Sex-Starved Dad: Don’t Get Your Hopes–Or Anything Else–Up

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new dad and love everything about fatherhood. But my marriage is fraying. Our baby’s birth was uneventful and my wife’s OB told us that we could have sex again after six weeks. He’s eight months old now and my wife and I have had sex exactly one time since the birth. That’s it. I’ve tried talking with her about this, and her response is that she simply has no sex drive anymore. I’m 27 and my sex drive is pretty healthy. I feel bad bugging her to do something she apparently doesn’t feel like doing and I don’t want our relationship to end over this. I’m trying to be as sympathetic as I can, but is it normal for women to lose their sex drive for this long after giving birth? Is there anything I can do to increase her sex drive?

The reason most OBs tell new parents to hold off on having sex for those famous six weeks is that it usually takes that long for the woman’s body to recover. But that six-week guideline can lead to unrealistic expectations, which in turn can lead to resentment and relationship strain. Sound familiar? The reality is that plenty of couples take as long as a year to get back to their pre-pregnancy and pre-baby sex life.

Here are a few of the many factors that could be putting a damper on your wife’s sex drive:

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Motherhood, Fatherhood, and the Changing Landscape of Parenthood

Heather Flett, coauthor of The Rookie Mom’s Handbook.
Topic:
Motherhood, fatherhood, the changing landscape of parenthood.
Issues: How motherhood has changed over the last 10 years; the mom blogging community; resources for new moms; the importance of letting the dad do things his way; the role of social media in creating communities of moms.

When Kids Call the Shots + Rookie Moms


Sean Grover, author of When Kids Call the Shots.
Topic:
How to seize control from your darling bully and enjoy being a parent again.
Issues: Understanding the root causes of your child’s bossy behavior; how your own insecurities and history have shaped your parenting choices; types of parents who are more susceptible to being bullied by their kids; three most common bullying styles that kids use–and strategies you can use to restore your leadership.

Heather Flett, coauthor of The Rookie Mom’s Handbook.
Topic:
Motherhood, fatherhood, the changing landscape of parenthood.
Issues: How motherhood has changed over the last 10 years; the mom blogging community; resources for new moms; the importance of letting the dad do things his way; the role of social media in creating communities of moms.

Redefining What it Means to Be a Family

Ross Parke, author of Future Families.
Topic:
Diverse forms, rich possibilities.
Issues: Redefining “family”; changing parental roles; are two mothers (or fathers) good enough?; are multiple caregivers helpful or harmful?; how many “parents” are too many? (insights from the world of assisted reproductive technologies; overcoming the barriers to change.

Understanding Baby’s Mood + Happy At-Home Moms + Avoiding Judgmental Parents


Megan Faure, author of The Babysense Secret .
Topic: Learning how to understand your baby’s moods.
Issues: Creating a baby-centric routine and struggle less to get your baby to sleep; understanding your baby’s sensory world and signals to avoid overstimulation, which leads to fussiness.


Rachel Compos-Duffy, author of Stay Home, Stay Happy.
Topic: Secrets to loving at-home motherhood.
Issues: Embracing the choice to stay home with confidence; taking care of yourself guilt-free; mentally and physically recharging every day, and more.


Deborah Copaken-Kogan, author of] Hell is Other Parents.
Topic: Tales of maternal combustion.
Issues: A collection of witty, smart, funny, poignant essays on dealing with intrusive and judgmental other parents, modern working parenthood, raising a family on inadequate income.

Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood


Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple, co-authors of Good Enough Is the New Perfect.
Topic:
Finding happiness and success in modern motherhood.
Issues: Motherhood and technology; the new mommy wars; do you feel you’ve lost track of what makes you truly happy? Is it possible to “have it all”? The truth is yes—but the secret is to create an “all” that you love.