Sex During Pregnancy

Q: Help! I’m an expectant father and something’s happening to my libido. I used to be one of those guys who loved to have sex anytime. But now that my wife is pregnant, I’ve completely lost interest. What’s wrong with me?

For some men, sex during pregnancy is an incredible turn-on. But for others, it borders on the revolting. Where you stand on the issue depends on a lot of factors, but one thing is pretty much guaranteed: When your partner is pregnant, your sex life will change.
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Sorry, Mila, But We Are Pregnant

Dear Mr. Dad: As someone who writes a lot about fatherhood, you probably saw Mila Kunis’ funny public service announcement where she says that a man saying “we are pregnant” is a no-no. As a father-to-be, I enjoyed the sketch, but I think that Mila forgot that men do play a role throughout. My wife and I have been arguing (lightheartedly) about this and I need someone to back me up.

A: Oh, yea, I saw it. And not to worry—I’ve got your back. Mila and her husband Ashton Kutcher (OMG, and I really writing celebrity gossip?) seem like a lovely couple, and I’m sure they both have a good sense of humor. But kidding or not, her comments got a huge amount of coverage around the country (and the world).
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Apps for Dads? We Got ‘Em–for F.r.e.e!

As some of you may know, we’ve started turning the content from my bestselling books (waaaay more than a million copies sold!) into great apps for dads. The first one, “Mr. Dad on Pregnancy,” is based on The Expectant Father and in just three months has had more than 15,000 downloads. You can get that app–at no charge–in the Apple App Store by clicking here. “Mr. Dad on Pregnancy” is a fun, interactive, and entertaining way for dads-to-be and their partner to learn everything they need to know about pregnancy and childbirth. It’s the perfect Father’s Day present.

But that’s not all…

Keep an eye out for two new apps for dads: “Mr. Dad on Babies” (which is based on the sequel to The Expectant Father, The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year) and “Mr. Dad on Military Dads” (which is based on The Military Father: A Hands-on Guide for Deployed Dads). We’re hoping to have both out before Father’s Day.

Please contact us if you’re interested in in-app advertising or sponsorships. The rapidly growing audience for our apps for dads is extremely targeted. Every player is a guy who truly wants to be an actively involved father–and he’ll be looking for tools, resources, and yes, products to help him achieve that goal.

Is being an involved dad an “Act of Valor”? We’re on the big screen!

Most of today’s dads are just trying to do the best they can and don’t consider themselves heroes. But for dads in the military, being deployed changes all that.

So who do military fathers turn to for advice on how to be a great dad? Well, in the hit movie, “Act of Valor,” my book, The Expectant Father, is featured as the resource of choice for Navy SEAL dads-to-be! And I have to say, as a  Marine Corps veteran, that’s just about the coolest thing ever. Or at least the coolest thing since The Expectant Father was on screen in another hit movie, “Knocked Up.”

Click the image to the left or click here to check out the clip. It goes by kind of quickly so you might have to watch it a few times, but the book is definitely there!


When Feeling Weird Is Perfectly Normal

Dear Readers: Over the past few weeks I’ve received a number of emails that hit on the same general topic, but, interestingly, from completely different perspectives. Here they are:

Q: Dear Mr. Dad: My wife is pregnant and I’m finding that I’m way more attracted to her sexually right now, and she’s not even showing yet. It’s like just knowing that she’s carrying my child is a turn-on. I’m scared she’ll think I’m weird if I say something. Is this normal?

Q: Dear Mr. Dad: My fiancée is seven months pregnant and ever since I saw my daughter-to-be on the screen at the doctor’s, I’ve had less desire for sex with my partner. I don’t love her any less and I still think she’s the most beautiful woman ever. But I just can’t do it right now. Is this normal?

Q: Dear Mr. Dad: Ever since I found out I’m pregnant the idea of having sex seems kind of gross—it’s as if we’re doing it in front of the kids. My husband is worried that we’ll never have a sexual relationship again after our twins are born. I know what I’m thinking doesn’t make a lot of sense, but is it normal?

Q: My fiancé and I recently found out we’re pregnant. Will it hurt the embryo if we make love? Is it normal to worry about this?

A: The short answer to all of these questions is, Yes, it’s all normal. In fact, when it comes to sex during pregnancy, just about everything is normal—even things that might seem completely contradictory.

Let’s start with the safety issue. Unless the pregnant woman has a history of premature labor or has been told by her doctor to avoid sex during pregnancy, it should be perfectly safe. The baby is cushioned in a fluid-filled sac and barring cramps or bleeding during sex, making love while pregnant is no more dangerous than at any other time.

Okay, that takes care of the actual sex part. But when it comes to sexual desire, the range of “normal” is pretty big. Many men find the pregnant female body (with its fuller curves and larger breasts) erotic. That, combined with a natural feeling of power and masculinity that often accompanies getting a woman pregnant, can increase men’s arousal. At the same time, many women find getting pregnant to be a confirmation of their femininity and attractiveness. That, along with the increased blood flow to the pelvic region, which may make orgasms more powerful, could boost their desire to have sex. There can also be a mutual feeling of closeness that sometimes plays out sexually.

On the other hand, if the pregnant woman doesn’t find herself particularly attractive—or worries that her partner doesn’t—she may not be terribly interested in sex. Ditto if she’s in the first trimester and feeling nauseous or in the last trimester and feeling awkward or uncomfortable. It works the other way ‘round too: if the guy doesn’t find his pregnant partner terribly attractive, or if he thinks she doesn’t find herself attractive, he won’t express any interest. Another possible libido killer is the realization—sheared by men and women—that they’re about to become parents. And everyone knows that parents aren’t supposed to be sexual. Hey, no one said this stuff was rational.

Talking about these issues is absolutely essential. Expectant fathers routinely underestimate how attractive their partners feel, and expectant mothers routinely underestimate how attractive their partners find them. In future columns we’ll talk about how to handle situations where the expectant parents-to-be aren’t in sync.

No Hopping in the Sack Just Yet Dad to Be

Dear Readers: In last week’s column, we heard from a woman who, was planning to get pregnant. We talked about a number of important steps she should take before actively trying to conceive. Even though she’s the one who’ll be carrying the baby, there’s plenty that the dad-to-be can do to increase fertility and up the odds of a healthy pregnancy.

So dad–your goal is to prepare a healthy environment for the baby to swim around in, and to prevent birth defects or other complications, right? But you never know when your partner is going to burst out of the bathroom waving a little white stick, and announce, “Honey, I’m pregnant!”
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