She’s Not a Mother—She’s My Wife

Dear Mr. Dad: I need a man’s advice but am too embarrassed to ask my own father, family, or male friends. I’ve been married about two years now and have a 9-month old baby. The problem is that my sexual relationship with my husband is basically non-existent. I feel sad and lonely and I have mentioned this to my husband before. I was in shock when he told me that he didn’t want to get me pregnant and that he thinks I’m a bit*h! Whoa! Where did that come from?! I don’t think that he is cheating because he comes home right after work. If I call him during the day, he’s always around, and on the weekend he’s home with me. I have not gained weight and stay in good physical shape. I don’t understand what’s wrong. What gives?

A: Thanks very much for your note. It must have been incredibly hard to write.

Of course, not knowing your husband, I can’t say for sure what’s bothering him. But there are a few possibilities that come up fairly often with relatively new dads. First of all, your husband may be having trouble seeing you as a mother. I know that may sound irrational, but your being a mother might be making him think of his own mother—and, as we all know, it’s hard for most adults to imagine our parents—moms or dads—actually having sex. (Of course we know they did, but we just don’t want to think about it.)
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