Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new dad—my son was born two months ago—and although I hate to admit it, I’m not feeling much like a parent. My wife wants me to be as involved as she is, playing with, feeding, talking to, and changing the baby. But I’m honestly not that interested. I was perfectly happy with the way my life was before. As you can imagine, my wife is rather annoyed with me. So I’ve got two questions for you: Aside from making my wife happy, why should I be involved? And is there something I can do to get more interested in fatherhood?
Those are two great questions—ones plenty of new parents struggle with but are afraid to admit they have. After all, we live in an egalitarian time and men and women are supposed to be equal partners in parenting, and we’re all supposed to fall head-over-feet in love with our babies from the second they’re born, right? Reality—as you’ve discovered—doesn’t always work out that way. The truth is that not everyone is born with the desire—or is cut out to be—an involved parent. And political correctness aside, not every couple is fully egalitarian. That said, there’s another facet of reality that you have to confront: Yes, you may have been happy with your pre-baby life, but you’re in a very different place now, and things will never be the same.