Expecting Anxiety

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m 34 and my wife is just a few weeks away from giving birth to our first baby. I’m excited about becoming a dad, but my anxiety levels over the past week have been through the roof and sometimes I feel like I’m having a heart attack. On top of my shortness of breath and dizziness, I’m also breaking out in hives. I’ve seen my doctor about this, but he has yet to solve my problem. My wife has been very supportive, but I hate feeling so helpless when she’s the one who has to give birth. What can I do to be normal again?

A: Good news: as unpleasant and frightening as your symptoms are, what you’re going through is actually perfectly normal. There’s no question that your wife’s physical experience of pregnancy is a lot more intense than yours. But psychologically, the two of you are going through pretty much the same thing. I sometimes think that the above-the-neck part of the pregnancy might even be more profound for men than it is for women. Women have far stronger social networks than men do and they’ve got mothers, sisters, aunts, and female friends to talk with about their fears, worries, and concerns. Men tend not to want to admit to anyone else (sometimes even ourselves, and especially not our spouse) that we’re scared half to death of the way our life is going to be turned upside down and inside out.

Those fears—and the accompanying anxiety—make perfect sense. If you’re like most first-time expectant dads, you have no idea how your life is going to change. Sure, everyone you know has probably told you that “life’s never going to be the same.” True, but have you ever wondered what that means? One of my favorite quotes came from a woman who was asked to describe the way everyone told her that parenthood was going to be like and the way it actually turned out to be. “It’s like the difference between watching a tornado on TV,” she said, “and having one tear the roof off your house.” She’s right, and there’s nothing you can do to prepare 100% for your little tornado.
[Read more…]

The Only Parenting Technique You’ll Ever Need

David Vienna, author of Calm the F*ck Down.
Could this be the only parenting technique you’ll ever need?
Issues: A variety of scenarious that make parents anxious–and down-to-earth reassurance and guidance on how to relax and enjoy the moment.

Bullying: The Unpleasant Gift that Keeps on Giving

Bullies and their victims are finally getting the attention they deserve—and so are the long-lasting consequences to both victim and perpetrator. Contrary to the popular belief that bullied kids eventually outgrow the psychological and physical pain they suffered, the effect of bullying persist far into adulthood. “We were surprised at how profoundly bullying affects a […]

Living with Prostate Cancer: It’s Complicated

I guess it’s part of the male provider-protector thing: A recent survey found that men with advanced prostate cancer worry more about burdening their family and friends than about dying. That’s only one surprising fact from a fascinating and sometimes puzzling survey called The Advanced Prostate Cancer Patient and Caregiver Burden of Illness Study. According […]

5 Unhealthy Ways Men Deal with Rejection

Rejections are the emotional cuts and scrapes of daily life. We get turned down by romantic partners, our colleagues get together without inviting us, our spouses rebuff our sexual advances, our neighbors don’t invite us to their holiday parties, and our friends ignore our posts and Tweets on social media platforms. The one thing all […]

Chronic Conditions and Medications That Can Lead to Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction often refers to different symptoms in men and women, yet can share similar underlying causes.  In women, it is often characterized by low sexual desire or various disorders including sexual arousal, orgasm, and sexual pain.  In men, erectile dysfunction (ED) is just that: difficulty getting or keeping erections sufficient for intercourse.  ED is […]