Babies Can Sometimes Bring out the Worst in Us

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new dad and I sometimes get incredibly angry when my son cries. Of course I haven’t acted on my anger, but I’m feeling really guilty that I get so mad in the first place. I’ve always been a pretty patient guy, but I don’t think I’ve ever had such intense feelings before. Am I a bad parent?

A: Babies have an amazing capacity to bring out feelings in us that are powerful, unfamiliar, and sometimes scary. On the positive side, we get to experience being on the receiving end and the giving end of unconditional love—something I don’t believe exists between adults. On the negative side, there are the feelings you described. We’d all like to believe that we’d throw ourselves in front of a moving train to save our children, but every once in a while they make us so furious that we think (very briefly) of throwing them in front of the train. I know that sounds horrible, but here’s a reality check: Everyone has feelings like that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying to you or doesn’t have children. So, no, you’re not a bad parent at all.

That said, while there’s nothing wrong with feeling intense anger, it’s what you do with it that can be a problem. Here are some suggestions that can help you get your anger under control.

[Read more…]

The New Rules of Boy World

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Masterminds & Wingmen.
The new rules of Boy World.
Issues: Popularity and groups; body image; schoolyard power; locker room tests; girlfriends; intimacy; the emotional lives of boys (which are more complex that we’re led to believe; why boys are lagging behind girls in education; why boys are more likely to commit suicide than girls.

5 Unhealthy Ways Men Deal with Rejection

Rejections are the emotional cuts and scrapes of daily life. We get turned down by romantic partners, our colleagues get together without inviting us, our spouses rebuff our sexual advances, our neighbors don’t invite us to their holiday parties, and our friends ignore our posts and Tweets on social media platforms. The one thing all […]

Venting Your Anger Online May Do More Harm (to You) Than Good

If you’ve ever spent any time on the web, you’ve probably found yourself furious at something you read—so furious that you sit down and shoot off an angry response. Kinda feels good, doesn’t it? But the problem with venting and ranting is that after the initial burst of satisfaction with having gotten things off your […]

When Anxiety is Your Friend + No More Negative Thinking + How to Wow

[amazon asin=1433811936&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 1: Mary Lamia, author of Emotions!
Topic: Making sense of your feelings.
Issues: Anxiety can improve creativity and productivity; guilt helps you maintain your relationships; showing pride in your accomplishments can help you socially; venting anger doesn’t help; overvaluing happiness can actually lead you to be less happy.

[amazon asin=0738211850&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 2: Tamar Chansky, author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking.Topic: Practical strategies to build a lifetime of resilience, flexibility, and happiness.
Issues: Understanding what negative thinking is and how it affects our children; challenging your child’s mind; helping your child find and apply his or her strengths.

[amazon asin=0345501799&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 3: Frances Cole Jones, author of How to Wow.
Topic: Proven strategies for presenting your ideas, persuading your audience, and perfecting your image.
Issues: Making a lasting impression with a simple introduction; using the 12 most persuasive words in the English language to command any situation; reading non-verbal responses accurately; motivate others; deliver speeches that bring people to their feet.

Fighting in front of the kids

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I have a good marriage, but once in a while we get into a yelling match that makes me glad we don’t live in an apartment! There’s never any physical contact, neither of us misses the chance to slam a door or kick the furniture to make a point. We know we’re just venting and we always make up just fine afterwards, but it’s the kids I worry about. Is it doing them any harm to see their parents fight? If so, how can we break the habit?

A: The short answer is, yes, living in a high-conflict home may be doing some short- or long-term damage to your children. According to a recent joint study by the Universities of Rochester and Notre Dame, children who see their parents in angry conflict on a regular basis are more likely to feel negative emotions and stress and to develop long-lasting, negative impressions of marriage and family life. Rather than becoming accustomed to the hostility, children actually become more sensitive to it and less resilient as time goes by.
[Read more…]