Will You Please Get a Room? Please?

Dear Mr. Dad: We have two boys, ages four and nine. The nine-year-old has no problem sleeping in his own bed, but the four-year-old constantly wants to sleep with my husband and me. I don’t mind an occasional “sleep over”–especially when my husband is away on business and the bed seems so empty. But lately, my son wants to be in our bed every night. That seems a little old to me. Is co-sleeping with a four-year-old okay?

A: I wish I could give you a definitive Yes or No, but the real answer is the completely unsatisfying “It depends.” There’s a lot of controversy out there about co-sleepng (or “the family bed” or “bed sharing” or whatever else you want to call it). Some authorities, such as the Children’s Health Network and the American Academy of Pediatrics say the practice is dangerous and they point to studies that show that the incidence of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) is higher when babies share a bed with parents. Others say that sharing a bed is fine, and they point to the fact that something like 80 percent of the world’s families practice co-sleeping. Unfortunatley, neither of those answers applies to your situation: At four, your son is far too old for you to worry about SIDS. And, like it or not, about 80 percen of the world’s families live in much, much smaller spaces than we do in the U.S., and the option for famiy members to sleep in separate rooms isn’t even on their radar.
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Hey, You Know That Seatbelt Thingy in Your Car? Start Using It!

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, car crashes are the leading cause of death—and a major cause of injury—for children under 3. And car seats are by far the easiest way to reduce those risks. In fact, proper use of car seats reduces infants’ risk of dying in a car by 71%, and by 54% for kids ages 1-4. Emphasis on the word “proper.”

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About Face

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m in charge of installing our 16-month old daughter’s car seat and my wife says I need to turn it around to rear-facing again because there’s a new regulation. But my daughter loves looking forward. Is it really necessary to make her face rear again?

A: Your wife is referring to the updated recommendations by the American Academy of Pediatrics (probably the most reliable source of information on children’s health and safety) that were published in April 2011. Until then, the APP advised parents to strap their babies into rear-facing car seats until they were at least a year old or weighed 20 pounds—whichever came latest. The new recommendation is to keep toddlers facing backwards until age two, or until they reach the maximum height and weight limits for their rear-facing car seat.

The Academy based its new policy on some recent research that indicates that rear-facing car seats better distribute the force from an impact. That, in turn, protects the baby’s delicate neck, spine, and head in the event of a crash. These findings are pretty conclusive: One of the studies, done in 2007, revealed that kids under two are 75 percent less likely to die or be severely injured in an accident if they’re facing the rear. Since 1997, the number of children killed in crashes has steadily decreased. But with 5,000 children dying as a result of auto accidents every year, crashes are still the leading cause of death for children over age four. In addition to the fatalities about 90,000 children are injured badly enough to require hospitalization and two million suffer injuries that require some kind of medical attention.

As you can see, car seats are serious business. But the Academy’s new recommendations are just guidelines and have no legal authority (at least not yet). Hopefully, though, I’ve got you convinced that you should wait a while longer before having your daughter face forward—no matter how much she wants to see where she’s going instead of where she’s been. Depending on how big she gets and what kind of seat she’s in, she may actually outgrow her rear-facing car seat before she hits two. Or, if she’s small, she may have to wait even longer.

Every state has its own car-seat regulations. Some set very specific age and weight limits (or minimums) and clearly state when it’s okay to switch from rear-facing to front-facing. Others simply require that a child be kept in a “child safety seat” up to a certain age (usually four), without specifying which way that seat should face. After that, you can switch to a booster seat until age seven or so. (The Academy, however, also revised its recommendations for older kids, advising that they stay in booster seats until they’re 57 inches tall—4 foot 9—a height some kids won’t reach before age 12.) And if you’ve looked at your car’s sun visors lately, you’ve probably seen the warnings that children under 12 or 13 should never be allowed to ride in the vehicle’s front seat.

Bottom line: Assuming that your 16-month old daughter is over 20 pounds, it’s not currently against the law to have her facing front (as long as she’s in the back seat of the car). However, why take unnecessary risks? The evidence is crystal clear on this one: she’ll be a lot safer facing the other direction.

Too Much Tube?

Dear Mr. Dad: My 18-month old son is suddenly obsessed with TV. He watches at least 3-4 hours per day. My wife doesn’t see the problem since it allows her to get stuff done around the house, but I’m worried. How much TV is too much?

A: Great question—one you have every right to be concerned about. Watching too much TV is a growing problem in our society—especially for children. Studies are all over the place, but they generally show that American children watch two to six hours of television per day. Plus they spend a few more in front of other screens, watching DVDs or playing video games.
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Co-sleeping/bed sharing

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are looking into “co-sleeping” with our new baby girl. When I told a neighbor of mine, she shook her head and said it was too risky and would “spoil” her, causing later behavior problems. What are the risks, the benefits, and what should we do?

A: Co-sleeping, or sleeping with an infant in your adult bed, is one of the many parenting ideas that has passionate advocates and just-as-passionate detractors. The two sides are usually framed in extremes, as if you’re evil if you do it – or evil if you don’t. Obviously, it’s not that simple. As you noted, it’s best to learn the risks and benefits so you can make an informed decision.

Although it has only recently re-entered the conversation in North America, co-sleeping is not some newfangled idea. Outside of the English-speaking world it’s the norm, and before the 20th century it was standard pretty much everywhere (although it’s worth mentioning that in many countries, people share a bed with their children because the entire family lives in a single room).
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