Initiating a Divorce: The Proper Steps, Part I

Let’s face it; divorce is scary for anyone. You’re uprooting your life and changing things you never imagined changing. Yet while it can be difficult, it doesn’t have to be. Sure, it’s easy to fight over the little things, but your divorce will run a lot smoother if you communicate effectively and follow the proper steps.

It’s Time to Separate

If you’re ready to make the plunge, you need to separate from your spouse. Separating is never easy, but it has to be done no matter what grounds for divorce you choose to file under. In some cases, separation can lead couples to reconcile. Unfortunately, for others, the often liberating experience can further cement the desire for a divorce. If you have successfully separated from your spouse and wish to pursue the divorce, the next step you need to take is petitioning for divorce.

Making it Official

When you petition or file for divorce, you need to file in the state where you live and make sure you’ve met the separation requirements. Filing for divorce is also known as a “Complaint for Dissolution of Marriage.” This requires that you can complete the necessary forms, pay a fee, and file the papers with the district court in the correct county.

If you choose to use a divorce attorney, your attorney will assist you in completing and filing the forms. If you decide against using an attorney, the process can become significantly difficult. The court personnel will not and cannot answer any legal questions or assist with your paperwork.

Grounds for Divorce

  • No-fault divorce
  • Irreconcilable difference
  • At-fault divorce

The reasons for divorce vary from state to state. You need to make sure you know what to choose as your reason for separating before you fill out the paperwork.

Let Your Spouse Know What’s Happening

Your third step is to notify your spouse. This is also known as having your spouse served. You or your lawyer will have to submit proof to the court that your spouse was formally notified about the divorce. In most cases, the spouse can sign a Voluntary Appearance document. During a specific period of time, your spouse will need to respond or file an answer. They’re usually given up to 30 days to get this done. Once your spouse has responded, you’ll begin the waiting period for a hearing to be set.

We’re Looking for Great Content for Military Families

Brott, Military FatherAs the military families expert for about.com, I’m always on the lookout for organizations, programs, and practical advice and strategies that can help our military servicemembers, spouses, and kids.

If you have any suggestions, recommendations, and even guest posts, I’d love to share them with our readers. So please email me.

In the meantime, feel free to peruse the site, http://militaryfamily.about.com/

Why Aren’t You More Like Me?

Ken Keis, author of Why Aren’t You More Like Me?
Topic: The secrets to understanding yourself and others.
Issues: Why certain kinds of people irritate you—and what you can do about it; increase team compatibility and leadership effectiveness; stop feeling offended and emotionally hooked; select the right job style for yourself; understand and encourage your spouse and children.

PTSD: Affects Vets’ Spouses Too

According to the US Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), about 25 percent of vets returning from the recent conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq are suffering from PTSD. That’s about 500,000 veterans. If we include family members, that number more than doubles.  Not surprisingly, returning veterans—particularly those with PTSD—have a higher divorce rate than non-veterans. And […]

When Mom Really Does Wear Combat Boots

Dear Mr. Dad: You’ve written a lot about dads in the military, but I’m in the opposite situation—my wife is a deployed Marine, and I’m at home with the kids. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. What can I do to support her and keep myself—and the kids–sane?

A: First of all, thank you both for your service. With women making up about 11 percent of deployed servicememebers, you’re not alone. Here are a few ideas that may help.

  • Don’t fill your e-mails or phone calls with complaints or tell her about problems she can’t do anything to resolve. You’ll just frustrate her. But don’t paint an overly rosy picture either—she’ll get suspicious that you’re covering something up.
    [Read more…]