The news about testosterone changes so quickly that just reading about it could give you whiplash. On one hand, testosterone increases sex drive and muscle growth. That’s good. On the other hand, it’s associated with hair loss and increased risk of prostate cancer. That’s bad. Now new research is looking at testosterone as a way […]
Dear Mr. Dad: I need a man’s advice but am too embarrassed to ask my own father, family, or male friends. I’ve been married about two years now and have a 9-month old baby. The problem is that my sexual relationship with my husband is basically non-existent. I feel sad and lonely and I have mentioned this to my husband before. I was in shock when he told me that he didn’t want to get me pregnant and that he thinks I’m a bit*h! Whoa! Where did that come from?! I don’t think that he is cheating because he comes home right after work. If I call him during the day, he’s always around, and on the weekend he’s home with me. I have not gained weight and stay in good physical shape. I don’t understand what’s wrong. What gives?
A: Thanks very much for your note. It must have been incredibly hard to write.
Of course, not knowing your husband, I can’t say for sure what’s bothering him. But there are a few possibilities that come up fairly often with relatively new dads. First of all, your husband may be having trouble seeing you as a mother. I know that may sound irrational, but your being a mother might be making him think of his own mother—and, as we all know, it’s hard for most adults to imagine our parents—moms or dads—actually having sex. (Of course we know they did, but we just don’t want to think about it.)
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m now in my seventh month of pregnancy and our sex life is non-existent. My husband used to want it all the time and we made love a lot. But he has hardly touched me since my first trimester ended. I haven’t gained that much weight and I don’t feel unattractive. He says I look adorable and cute but it never goes any further. Even more depressing, I caught him texting an ex girlfriend sexually graphic messages. She lives out of town so I know he’s not sleeping with her, but I feel cheated and betrayed. What have I done wrong?
A: The short answer s that you haven’t done anything wrong at all. But for your own peace of mind, it may help to understand some of the things that could be going on inside your husband’s head.