Ken Keis, author of Why Aren’t You More Like Me?
Topic: The secrets to understanding yourself and others.
Issues: Why certain kinds of people irritate you—and what you can do about it; increase team compatibility and leadership effectiveness; stop feeling offended and emotionally hooked; select the right job style for yourself; understand and encourage your spouse and children.
Neal Pollack, author of Alternadad.
Topic: The wonders, terrors, and idiocy of parenting today.
Issues: How today’s young parents are different from those of previous generations; how unorthodox parents are becoming the mainstream; maintaining your pre-baby life after becoming a parent.
David Walsh, author of No.
Topic: Why kids of all ages need to hear it and ways parents can say it.
Issues: Do your children suffer from Discipline Deficit Disorder? Saying NO in a YES culture; three myths about self-esteem; why letting kids feel bad sometimes is a good idea; consequences of giving kids everything they want.
Ken Keis, author of Why Aren’t You More Like Me?
According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, 30 million children and teens participate in some type of organized sport or recreational activity, and each year there are more than 3.5 million injuries from sports participation. Almost a third of childhood injuries are sports-related, with sprains, strains, and traumatic brain injuries (most commonly called concussions) being the most common. In September 2013, CBS News reported that sports-related head injuries had increased by more than 90 percent since 2001.
Fathers, if you don’t let your children work with you around the house and don’t slow down and transmit basic life skills to them, you are letting them down. Big time.
Which one is you?
Alex’s dad is busy all the time. He is a hard worker, a good provider, and can handle just about any household emergency that arises. Last week, the toilet clogged and threatened to overflow. Alex’s dad quickly lifted the float ball to stop the water, then began clearing the obstruction. Alex wanted to help, but her dad thought the job too messy and too urgent for a child. “Get back, this is important!” he yelled. Alex’s heart fell as she returned to watching television alone.
Miriam Liss, co-author of Balancing the Big Stuff.
Topic: Finding happiness in work, family, and life.
Issues: The search for balance; balancing multiple roles; balance as a parent; balance at work; balance is for men and women; balance at home; societal barriers to balance; beyond balance.
Rosalind Wiseman, author of Masterminds & Wingmen.
Topic: The new rules of Boy World.
Issues: Popularity and groups; body image; schoolyard power; locker room tests; girlfriends; intimacy; the emotional lives of boys (which are more complex that we’re led to believe; why boys are lagging behind girls in education; why boys are more likely to commit suicide than girls.
Author Helps Deployed Dads with Home-Front Issues
This article ran on the AP wire and also appeared in The Military Times.
Oct. 2, 2014
By Howard Greninger
The (Terre Haute, Ind.) Tribune-Star via AP
Staff Sgt. Shawn Oxford of the Indiana Air National Guard said he knows what it’s like to come home after a military deployment.
“Things are definitely different when you come back, such as kids (initially) listening more to the parent who stayed at home. It does take some getting used to, but it is nice to know you are not the only one,” Oxford said.
He was among more than 50 members of the 181st Intelligence Wing Wednesday to hear a presentation from Armin A. Brott, who has written several books for dads, including his book, “The Military Father — A Hands-on Guide for Deployed Dads.” Brott is known as Mr. Dad.
Brott said he decided to write the book after he heard statements such as “my husband just came back from deployment and every time a door slams around here, he dives under a table. Or something from the mom or dad, that their 2-year-old daughter comes up from behind to give a hug, and I almost threw them out a window,” he told the Tribune-Star.
Brott served in the U.S. Marine Corps from 1976 to 1978, entering the service at age 17.
In his presentation to the Intelligence Wing at the Terre Haute International Airport-Hulman Field, Brott said there are different challenges facing families in active duty and reserve deployment.
One is finances.
“Young enlisted guys, or girls, are not making a lot of money, and they tend to live on the base,” he said. The young enlisted, Brott said, also tend to be targets of predatory loans and have a high rate of bankruptcy. “The average credit rating for active duty is 592, while the civilian reserve has a 692 credit rating,” he said.
The guard or military reservists may have a good job in their civilian life, but have a lower rank and earning less in the military. “If they get deployed, they have some financial issues to deal with because there is a long stretch of time where they are not making enough money to make ends meet. There is also the opposite effect of someone who has a good military income, but low civilian income. If there is a deployment, they get used to having that extra money and start buying things on credit. But when the deployment is over, they have all those bills to pay, so (they) end up in the same spot with difficulties managing finances,” he said.
Military personnel today also are more likely to see combat. In World War II, about 15 percent of veterans saw combat, while in the Vietnam War it was closer to 30 percent. “In Iraq and Afghanistan, it was closer to 70 to 80 percent who saw combat,” he said. Yet, Brott said, that does not mean there is a bigger connection of those in combat to post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, especially when compared with another military problem of suicide, he said.
“Half of the people who commit suicide in the military, and it is a problem, were never deployed. Eighty percent of those committing suicide never saw combat,” he said.
Brott said active duty families often have support of being on bases and with people of similar situations. Reserve-duty dads, when deployed, go through feelings of shock, fear, anger and uncertainty, particularly before a first deployment. At the same time, their spouses can feel withdrawal and an emotional distance.
Capt. John Petrowski said he appreciated that Brott was able to show both sides of the deployed and a spouse at home. “Both face challenges and fears going into deployment. Plus the stress (of the spouse) at home with the kids. We have always said the toughest job is for the person who stays at home,” he said.
Petrowski said technology, such as Skype, can sometimes become too distracting to the person serving overseas, as well as a hardship on the person at home. “If the lawn mower is broken and you are in Afghanistan, it doesn’t do you any good to know that. Let’s just get the lawn mower fixed and not pass that on” to the deployed spouse, Petrowski said.
Brott said children react to deployment and returning from a deployment in different ways. “Yet all kids just want to know how it affects ‘me,’ your going away or your return, how will it affect ‘me.’ They have no other concerns, really and truly,” he said.
For infants, he suggests the deployed person record themselves reading stories. Toddlers do not understand time and can lash out verbally when a parent is gone. Pre-school and elementary children still have “the me thing going. We need to be reassuring that they understand what is going on. Give the child something to hold onto, something of value, so they feel connected to you and feel connected to what you are doing and your return.”
For children age 8 to 12, talking and listening to questions is important. For teens, “they can be sullen, can push you away or have behavioral problems, but the difficulty is being sullen or withdrawing or just being annoying sometimes is basic teen behavior. To separate out what is normal for a teen to what is normal for a teen with a parent who is deployed is difficult. Talking and listening is still important,” he said.
Senior Airman Anna Dennis said she appreciated the presentation. Dennis said that while she does not have children and could not directly relate to that discussion, “I didn’t think about the different ages of children and how they react” to a deployment, Dennis said.
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a newly divorced single father. I hear a lot about how children in divorced families have all sorts of behavioral problems, do worse in school, abuse drugs, are depressed and anxious, and on and on. It’s scaring the heck out of me and makes me think that no matter what I do, my kids are doomed. I want to be an amazing dad and give my kids the best possible life. Isn’t there something I can do?
A: I get this question a lot and wish there was some way to get the media to quit portraying children in divorced families as self-destructive, failure-bombs waiting to explode. The reality is that kids whose parents have split (whether by divorce or the breakup of a never-married couple), can do just as well as any other kids. There are definitely some obstacles, but they can be overcome. Here are a few ideas that will help.