Sex During Pregnancy

Q: Help! I’m an expectant father and something’s happening to my libido. I used to be one of those guys who loved to have sex anytime. But now that my wife is pregnant, I’ve completely lost interest. What’s wrong with me?

For some men, sex during pregnancy is an incredible turn-on. But for others, it borders on the revolting. Where you stand on the issue depends on a lot of factors, but one thing is pretty much guaranteed: When your partner is pregnant, your sex life will change.

In the first trimester your partner’s pregnancy might make you hornier than ever. For many men, getting a woman pregnant is a kind of confirmation of their masculinity (before becoming expectant fathers, a lot of us secretly fear that we’re sterile, and there’s nothing like getting a woman pregnant to make you feel like, well, a fully functional man). In addition, a lot of expectant fathers feel closer to their wives than ever before, and that closeness is often expressed erotically.

For others, the first trimester (and, possibly, the entire pregnancy) is a time of decreased sexual desire. Before your partner got pregnant, for example, she was your wife, the beautiful, sexy woman you loved, and her breasts and vagina were fun. But now that she’s pregnant, her body is less fun and more functional. Even worse, when the pregnancy’s over, you know she’s going to be a mother. And mothers are not always seen as sexy. And if you believe that sex is purely for procreation, now that she’s pregnant there’s no sense in doing it anymore.

As the pregnancy progresses, the differences between the wanna-have-sex’s and the don’t-wanna-have-sex’s continues. Most men, for example, find their partner’s growing body to be the essence of femininity and, therefore, quite attractive. Others don’t. Their partner’s growing abdomen and leaking breasts may seem more messy than enticing.

But perhaps the most common reason men (and women) cut back on their sex life during pregnancy is a fear that they’ll hurt the baby. If you’re concerned about this, you can stop worrying right now. The baby is safely cushioned in an amniotic fluid-filled sac and unless you’re having very rough sex you have almost no chance of injuring anyone.

Your partner’s ideas about sex during pregnancy can also run the gamut. She may feel more connected to you than ever, and may be much less inhibited now that you don’t have to use birth control anymore. She may find the idea of having created a life with you to be wildly erotic and she may be delighted with her swelling, more feminine body.

On the other hand, she may be spending a lot of the first trimester vomiting from morning sickness–hardly an aphrodisiac. She may be thinking that mothers aren’t supposed to have sex, she may be worried about hurting the baby, or she may just be feeling fat.

When it comes to sex, for many couples the expectant mother’s changing body is the source of a lot of conflict, misunderstanding, and confusion. You may find the pregnant female form arousing but not want to do anything sexual because you’re worried that she’s feeling unattractive. On the other hand, your partner may be feeling sexier than ever but may not want to initiate anything sexual because she’s afraid that you don’t like her body anymore.

The solution here, not surprisingly, is to talk to each other openly about how you feel and about your desires and needs. Chances are you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how similarly you feel. You’ll also need to think about expanding your sexual horizons–especially during the last few months of the pregnancy, when your partner may find the missionary position rather uncomfortable or even impossible.

If you haven’t thought of them already, you have plenty of other ways to both get sexual satisfaction. Rear entry, side-by-side, or with her on top are always good. If those don’t do the job, there’s always mutual masturbation, oral sex, or vibrators.

Comments

  1. Father2b says:

    Thank you for the insight Armin. Great article. I’m sure I can speak for all expecting dads here when I say – we didn’t come here to hear opinions about how we should be relating to our partners from random, out-spoken women (on a column primarily vocated for men no less). Men don’t communicate their feeling as openly and freely as women, and forums like these are rare for men, so perhaps its better if the ladies who read this article take this information and share/discuss it on one of the millions of MrsMum.com forums. There are 100’s of reasons people are unfaithful with their partners – and although I’m a bit surprised that this includes pregnancy, I did say 100’s after all.

    What I personally am figuring out with my loss of libido, is that I think its got to do with what seems appropriate. I’m not the type of guy who would have sex care-free in front of my children, and I think this somehow seems to be weighted in the idea of knowing I am having sex with our child pinned between my wife and I. Besides that, there’s also the fact that when my wife eats chocolate, baby starts jumping around her belly like a jack-in-a-box, so I don’t know if its fair (in fact or otherwise), to dump an endorphine cocktail on baby and have no way to support them or talk them through it.

  2. My hubby and I have had a decrease in sex lofe since I became pregnant and as of the last 6 weeks he has become more withdrawn and a kiss is near impossible to get from him.
    He recognises that this isn’t right but says he just doesn’t have urge for sex but still finds me physically attractive. He also assures me that the 7month baby belly isn’t a turn off and he isn’t afraid of hurting the baby during sex.
    Neither of us know what to do, or who to turn to but hope it passes and we can return to normal soon.
    Has anyone had any of those issues or knkw where I can find any info

  3. Thanks , to be honest I find my fiance very atractive still with her big belly , aND I’m horny for her all the time .. what this dudes need to do is stop been a puss .. and eat that puss , I hear it has proteins lmao .. no but really , her first trimester , sucks , and I can’t even get a kiss out of her , but put it this way, after its all over its all gona be worth it , holding that beautiful creature in your hands. And well you will have plenty of time then to make another baby lol ..

    this was very interesting info .. thanKS for it..

  4. Everything I have read says the same thing. The thing is I have talked to my fiance. There are few days he wants sex and even more that he does not. I know he likes petite women and I am far from that at 7 months. I worry that he won’t find me attractive again, even after since I will have stretch marks. We used to have sex regularly, now it is almost not at all. I feel like I have to beg. I try to do and suggest different ways and positions. I am at a loss.

  5. MeekSpirit says:

    yeah what Beth said^^^ *ouch* consequences of cheating, get a disease and pass it on to your lovely wife or GF or even worse get someone else knocked up, you get caught, you’ll never be trusted again and that is a mark of a loser and a betrayer, how could you even think of a disgusting betrayal as that?? Very bad idea, your better off masturbating by yourself!
    Better talk with your GF.

  6. This helped, i have just lost all sex drive, but only towards my gf. Its terrible and i feel bad, i dont wanna cheat but i feel like this might prevail, i am worried i will never find her sexy again.

    • Ouch that’s messed up I really hope u don’t. U need to talk to her

    • Grow a pair & man up!! If you found her beautiful before, she is more so now as she’s carrying your child. If you worry you will cheat, then you are not a real man and aren’t mature enough to become a father. I hope it works out.

Whatcha think?